Poem:- A Mere Loser written on 23rd March 2020

A Mere Loser

Sometimes I feel that dreams are for suckers.
Like there is no place for me in this world.
I always wish to have a happy ending but instead I always get a sad ending.
No matter how hard I try, I still ace at failing.
No matter how much I try to cut off these motor receptors.
They always prove themselves to be stronger.
Stronger than my emotions.
And way more stronger than me.
I still feel like a parasite in my own life.

Why?
I have no idea.
I dreamed to be 'the topper'.
I thought that was who I am.
But every year, I feel myself always drifting towards the end.
I think that I can reach the end of the universe at this pace.
Sometimes I wonder why am I so fragile.
Like there is no place for me.
Now I'm wondering that why is it always me?
I always thought "I can do it.
I can beat those who had hurt me.
I can rewrite my stars and prove that nothing is pre-destined."
But Can I?
Am I destined to be a loser?
Am I fated to be hurt?
Am I someone who only has bad luck in life?
Because that's the person I feel like.
It has me wondering, "Can I actually do something with my life?"
I cry bitterly at the truth.
For some reason I don't know what the truth is anymore.
I have high dreams.
No I had high dreams.
I don't know what I feel anymore.
I just cry and wail.
I feel like a robot with emotions.
Because we are programmed from the start.
We are programmed that if we don't rank first,
We are nothing but losers.
We don't live life to enjoy it anymore but to conjure up the first place.
No matter how much I try to edit the program.
It's an error.
The program has another feature, it launches words that curse you if you don't win the race.
If you win the race, then you are a winner.
I didn't win the race and that's why I feel like a mere loser.
~ Ashmita Acharyya